HomeWith the web, TV and other digital distractions being so prevalent it is pretty easy to think “I don’t need people.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Deep down as a culture, we in the US have lost faith in our relationships. I know that for a long time I did. I had been hurt enough times to know… I don’t need people. Enough romantic relationships that end in heartbreak, enough broken trust by friends, enough to let the thought “I’m better off alone” enter my mind…
Thankfully, I am wiser than that. Deep human relationship, from what I can tell, is all that really matters in this world. It matters far more than material things and it matters more than being safe and alone. Deep human relationship can fill the void in your heart, it can light up your life and make you feel alive, it can give you purpose, it can connect and anchor you to being and it can teach you more about yourself than you could have ever hoped to learn alone.
Genuine people have the deepest relationships, in my experience. I tend to share my life, even with complete strangers. For example when meeting someone for the first time I share something important about myself that is relevant. I share something that I am struggling with, like networking events sometimes make me feel awkward, or my goals, like I intend for Woman Anew to be a place where woman can authentically share their wisdom. It is scary for me to share these things because I am worried about what people will think of me, and sometimes they think I am weird. But, I have found that for the most part, people appreciate honesty and authenticity and they will reciprocate.
But deep human relationship comes at a price. It requires honor and respect, not only for other, but for yourself. Positive and uplifting people help with that, the more I find that I am around positive and uplifting people, the more I am able to accomplish and the happier I am (that is why I am very grateful for my friends, I love you guys, you know who you are). For positive people, keep being positive! People very often put down or dislike positive people because they are so angry on the inside, but secretly everyone wants to be happy even if they say they don’t.
Happier people tend to have better relationships because more people want to be around them.
Action Items: Pay attention to:
1. Your internal conversation, is it positive or negative most of the time?
2. How many times a day you verbally complain vs. how many times a day you say something positive to someone else or yourself.
3. Commit to being 3 times more positive than negative and go out of your way to say something nice to yourself or someone else. Work your way up from there, so tomorrow be 4 times more positive than negative, etc…
Ways I have seen people sabotage relationships, including ways I have sabotaged my own relationships. In fact I have used every single one of these ways to sabotage a relationship.
1. Be out of contact. This means not picking up the phone when people call and not reaching out to friends, family or anyone else for support when it is needed.
2. Being fake. When people are being fake, you know it. So just FYI people, when you are fake, people know it even if they won’t say it. The people closest to us, and often strangers too, can see our weaknesses, no matter how hard we try to conceal them. I see this a TON with business people, in fact I have done it. I tried a network marketing company once and I was fake with so many people to get them to join, but I felt dirty doing it, so I stopped. Since then I have gotten tons of calls from friends I haven’t heard from in years asking me to come over and “hang out and check out what they are doing.” Lol Karma. (just as a side note I happen to think network marketing works, not for everyone, but for some people, so don’t take this as network marketing bashing because it has done a lot of good for a lot of people)
3. Withholding. This is probably the biggest cardinal sin in relationships. Withholding love, compassion and yourself from those who care about you is like not watering a plant. Eventually the plant will die.
Action Item:
1. Write down the relationships that are the most important to you. Be honest with yourself about each one as to the state of affairs that each is really in, meaning how are they doing, realistically. Then decide what you actually want to do with that, are you committed to having something different in that relationship and if so, what? Finally, what actions can you take to make sure that happens and doesn’t just stay a nice fantasy?
Relationships take work, but they are very worth it.